You know the song Refiner’s Fire? Now that’s a Christian power ballad. Hands raised in worship, teary eyed, just moved by the Holy Spirit. It’s a beautiful song. But if we take a step back for just a second and consider the fact that we are asking for refinement… purification by fire?! Yeah, it’s pretty rough.
When God asks us to die to our old selves, it’s not a one time, dressed in black, flowers on the grave type of thing. It is a daily submission. Taking up our cross constantly to live for Him. It is rough and I for one am certainly exhausted by it. What’s more, it’s an enigmatic thing. When I really met God and submitted my life to Him, I had a list of things I assumed He wanted me to get rid of. A cute little itemized list of my most obviously distressing flaws and I trusted Him for deliverance.
I prayed and fasted and confessed and trusted that God would make a way. That despite years of sinfulness and spiritual oppression, He would, in His infinite mercy, grant me deliverance. And wouldn’t you know it – He did it. Do not get me wrong, it was uncomfortable and exhausting and rattled everything I thought about myself. Refinement was not an easy process and continues to challenge me constantly. It’s one thing to be freed from Egypt, it is another thing entirely not to turn back (Exodus). There’s a challenge in resisting the urge to romanticize the bondage you once experienced because a familiar suffering often seems better than the vast wilderness of the unknown.
Then came the second part: God held a mirror to me and I couldn’t bear what I saw. My meticulously itemized list was not inaccurate, it was incomplete. The ways God hoped to shape and build me up were far greater than I could ever imagine. It shocked me. I knew I was living in sin but this much?! There was an endless amount of ways I had and continued to fall short.
When the word says everything done outside of faith is sin, He means everything (Romans 14:23). Despite how jarring these revelations have been and how unsure I am of myself, I’m sure that God wants us wholly committed to Him alone.
That mirror showed me many things, including idolatry of self, obsession with control, judgmentalness, and insecurity. None of these are who Christ has called me to be; it is no wonder then that He is determined to purify my heart. And I am ready to let Him. Even though it’s painful and unfamiliar, I trust that the product will be better than I could ever hope.
I am in awe of what God can do in and through us but when I hear Refiner’s Fire I hum quietly to myself. I’m not ready to declare readiness for any further purification. I’d quite like to cool off after this one. Relax for a little. I’m not sure if that’s quite how it works but I’ll keep you updated.
Writing to you amidst the refiner’s fire. Be encouraged, you’re not alone.
Praying for you always,
SF
Salted fig 